Confessions of a Broken Heart
by st.elmo-lover
Summary: Now a three part story. Sylvia and Dallas have a daughter and this is a songfic about her life based off of Lindsey Lohan's song Confessions of a Broken Heart Daughter to Father
1. Confessions of a Broken Heart

**This is another edit. Ha. I can't say for sure if I'm ever going to get the third chapter up but I figured I might as well edit this one to be a little bit more decent.**

_I wait for the postman to bring me a letter_  
_and I wait for the good Lord to make me feel better_

Dawn Winston sat in the corner of the bathroom, her arms wrapped around her head, trying to block out the sounds. Her whole body was shaking and her legs hurt from holding her up. She didn't know how long she had been crouching. She had no idea, actually. She had run to the bathroom when he'd come home. She had gotten that feeling that something was going to happen, so she had left. She could hear them now, yelling insults at each other. She winced every time she heard something break, but it was nothing new. She had just never gotten used to it.

"What the hell were you thinking?" She heard her father's voice ring out over all of the other noises, including her mother's sobs.

_And I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders  
Family in crisis that only grows older _  
_Why'd you have to go _  
_Why'd you have to go _  
_Why'd you have to go _

Dawn crawled to the door, tears spilling down her eyes. She reached up to the door knob and pulled herself up. She took in a few deep breathes, let out a few sobs, wiped her eyes, and opened the door. She headed towards the living room, towards the fighting, towards the people that didn't show her any affection at all.

She stood in front of them now, her make up running and her hair matted to her face. Their eyes bore into her like fire but she didn't move. She just stood there, looking from one to the other, wishing and hoping that they would just shut up already.

"What're you doin'? Go to your room." Her father howled, pointing his finger in the direction of the hallway. She shook her head, going against his orders.

"Do it!" He yelled again, taking a threatening step towards Dawn.

"Look at you! You've become your father, except you don't need alcohol to hit your kids!" Her mother yelled. Her tears had long since dried and been replaced with anger.

_Daughter to father, daughter to father _  
_I am broken but I am hopin' _  
_Daughter to father, daughter to father _

Dawn's father turned back to her mother. "Don't you ever say that to me!" He screamed at her, kicking the coffee table in front of him. Dawn jumped back a little, fear rushing through her bones and resting in her heart.

_I am crying, a part of me's dying and _  
_and These are, these are _  
_confessions of a broken heart _

"I'm going to Uncle Johnny's house," Dawn whispered, her voice tiny against the sound of her parents' yelling. She moved to the door, wrapping her arms around herself. She looked one last time behind her and then opened the door, stepping out into the cold frigid air of December. She didn't even bother to shiver. She just wanted to get out of hearing range, and she knew exactly where to go. It would take her a few minutes, maybe five, but it didn't matter. It was too much to handle. She hated seeing her parents like that.

She just wished it could go back the way it used to be when her father was actually nice and treated her like his baby girl. When her mother made cakes for her on her birthday and she blew out the candles. Two million memories was what she had, but the million memories she had now replaced the old ones. The bad replaced the good. And the good just couldn't come back.

_I am crying, a part of me's dying and _  
_and These are, these are _  
_confessions of a broken heart _

Now Dawn just started to hate her father more and more every day. She hated looking at him, hated looking at what he did to her mother, to their house. Hate always replaced her pain. Hate always replaced what little happiness she had.

She knocked on the door when she finally reached the familiar house. Her whole body was shaking from the cold and she had goose bumps all up and down her arms. She watched as the dark, beaten, wooden door swung open, and warm arms embraced her.

"I know," he said soothingly. She didn't bother asking how he knew. The fact was that he knew and that he was here for her now. She couldn't bring herself to cry anymore, not now.

_And I wear all your old clothes, your polo sweater _  
_I dream of another you _  
_The one who would never (never) _  
_Leave me alone to pick up the pieces _

He pulled her into the house and closed the door behind her before sitting her down on the couch. He looked down at her, towering over her with his 5'9 figure. She didn't bother looking up; she just wanted to sit there and rock herself.

"C-c-can't you make them stop?" She stuttered at first, but found her voice. She didn't get an answer, but that was because she already _knew_ the answer. No one could get them to stop. It was who they were even though it did destroy the only kid they had.

_Daddy to hold me, that's what I needed _

"I hate him," she sobbed out. "I hate him so much, Uncle Johnny."

"Don't say that. You don't mean it," he shushed her. His dark hand found its way over her pale one, covering it like a protective layer.

"I do. I do," she told him, shaking her head vigorously. "I want to cut out my hair and gash out my eyes just so I won't look like him. Every time I look in the mirror I see _him_!" She yelled. She hated him so much or at least she thought she did.

She broke down finally, broke down all the way. She collapsed into her uncle's arms and sobbed into his shoulder. And with every sob, she broke his heart more and more.

"I love him.." she cried out. "I do. But I hate him at the same time. He should be here holding me. He should be doing all this fatherly stuff. Why isn't he here, Johnny? Why isn't he here?" She pleaded with her eyes. She wanted, no, needed an answer. But most of all she needed a father.

_So why'd you have to go _  
_Why'd you have to go _  
_Why'd you have to go! _

"Let me tell you something about Dallas Winston," her Uncle said, lifting her head up to look at him. "He used to be the toughest, greasiest hood on the block. Everyone was scared of him. You know what finally broke him? You know what made him soft?" Dawn shook her head. "You. When Sylvia told him she was pregnant, he lost it. But he did what was right. He married her, he took care of her. He was right by her side when you were born. And I was right next to him. And something, something in those cold stony eyes of his changed. They broke because he was staring at his little girl, his little girl that had his blue eyes and his blond hair. He was in awe."

Dawn moved away from him, inching towards the other side of the couch.

_Daughter to father, daughter to father _  
_I don't know you, but I still want to _

"He doesn't love me and you know it!" She yelled at him. "He doesn't love my mother and he doesn't love me. He doesn't love anyone but himself!" She broke down again. She had never said that before. And now, saying it for the first time, made it true, horrifically true.

_Daughter to father, daughter to father _  
_Tell me the truth, did you ever love me _  
_Cause these are, these are _  
_confessions of a broken heart, of a broken heart _

There was a knock on the door two hours later. Dawn was already sprawled out on the couch, ready to fall asleep like she had done so many other times before. Johnny sighed but got up from his chair anyway, his feet making loud thumps as he stomped to the door. It was twelve at night and he really didn't want to be bothered, especially when he had Dawn to take care of.

"Is she here?" Dallas asked as soon as Johnny opened the door. Johnny shut the door, making sure Dallas couldn't see into the living room.

"You gotta stop this, Dal," Johnny said softly. "You're pushing her over the edge."

"You can't tell me what to do with my own kids, Johnny," Dal snapped back, trying to shove his way through the door.

"What's your problem, Dal?" Johnny asked, his voice was almost a yell now. "Look at yourself! You're my father! You're _your _father! What happened to the Dallas that used to treat Dawn like a princess? What happened to the Dallas that taught Dawn how to ride her bike and throw a punch? What happened to the Dallas that saved my life 3 years ago?"

_I love you _  
_But I love you _  
_I love you _  
_I...! _  
_I love you! _

Johnny had hit home. He could tell that he had struck a nerve.

"Move aside, Johnny. I want to talk to Dawn," Dallas said after about ten minutes of tense silent. Something in his face had changed. He looked like he had when Dawn had just been born. He was finally coming back into his loving self. Johnny moved away and let Dallas in.

_Daughter to father, daughter to father _  
_I don't know you, but I still want to _  
_Daughter to father, daughter to father _  
_Tell me the truth... _  
_Did you ever love me? _  
_Did you ever love me? _  
_These are... _  
_The confessions...of a broken heart _

It took Dally three strides to get to the living room, calling Dawn's name a few times. He stopped when he finally got there, in shock.

She was gone.

His little girl was gone.

Dawn Allison Winston was gone.

She was gone for good.

_Ohhh...yeah... _  
_And I wait for the postman to bring me a letter..._


	2. Trouble

**Back by popular demand, here it is! I hope you guys like it and let me know what you think. BUT there will be a third chapter...if you guys like this one enough.**

**Edit:**

**Okay, so same as before. It's the 11 of January 2008 and I've just edited this. I'm getting ready to add a third chapter sometime in the next week. So look at for it. :D**

It was easier then she thought it would be. It was easier to walk away from everything then just stay there and die a little more each day. She was just now realizing this but she wished she had realized it a lot sooner. The wind was whipping at her cheeks and she could feel the wind burn coming on, but it wasn't a problem. It was cold, sure, but it wasn't like she was actually feeling the cold. She was numb, to say the least.

She took in a shaky breath and then let it out again, wrapping her arms around herself.

She could feel her name being called from down the street aways but she knew they wouldn't be looking for long, not in this weather. They probably thought she was in the park or something, hiding out from the cold. But not this time. This time she was gone for good and she wouldn't be going back. That's what she told herself anyway.

She turned, glancing over her shoulder and towards the street light she had just passed. One of their voices was getting closer but she couldn't tell whose it was. The only ones that really cared enough to look were Johnny, Pony, Soda, and Darry. They were the only ones that would be sober enough to look anyway.

Her own father had probably gone out and gotten drunk as soon as he had left Johnny's house. She shook her head to herself and turned back around, letting her head lagged towards the ground.

She was tired, she realized, but she couldn't stop.

Not right now.

Maybe if she got to Soc territory and camped out there they wouldn't find her. Maybe it would be warmer in the morning.

Or maybe she could hide out in someone's back yard.

She dragged on. None of her thoughts were worth following through on and she couldn't seem to think of any good ones no matter how hard she tried.

She gave up, eventually, and resorted to just kicking rocks that were lying in the road.

She stiffened when ever she passed a greaser on the road but none of them seemed to pay any attention to her so she kept on, walking on her way towards no where.

Her mind was mauling over everything, all the possibilities and everywhere she could go.

If she had money she could have gotten on a bus, she realized that much. But she didn't have money and she had no way of getting any.

So deep in thought she couldn't hear the car, until it almost hit her. She cried out though, when it swerved out of the way and the driver honked their horn. Whoever it was pulled over to the side a few minutes later and turned off the car.

She was in for it but she couldn't find a caring bone in her body.

"What the hell are you thinking?" a voice snapped before a body appeared, waltzing towards her in an angry stride.

She recognized him.

She could hear Dally's voice in her head. He always used to comment about this boy looking so much like his daddy that it was almost impossible. And then Dally would go off on a long string of curses and rants about how he couldn't believe 'Ol' Tim Shepard' had gotten himself killed. Dawn was never surprised when Dally talked about it. She just figured that if this Tim Shepard was so much like her own father then it was no wonder he ended up dead somewhere.

"I wasn't." Dawn croaked out before she could think. Her arms wrapped tighter around herself instinctively and she took a step away from him.

"You're Winston's daughter." it was a statement she wished he hadn't made, but it was too late now.

She had been given away by the least expected person ever.

"What's it to you?" she questioned harshly, taking another step back. She was ready to run if something happened.

"Everyone's lookin' for you..." he trailed off and took a step towards her to replace the one she had taken away from him.

She just took another one back.

"Listen-"he started, but Dawn cut him off.

"I don't want to." she snapped. "I ain't goin' back if that's what you want."

"You talk like your father." he snapped. She snarled at him.

"And you look like yours."

"You know, if you don't come back with me I'm just going to tell everyone where you're headed and it won't make a difference."

"Tell them then. I'll just change direction."

"Sure you will." he laughed out. "Hey, look!" he pointed off into the distance and Dawn raised an eyebrow.

She had half a mind to call him crazy. Did he honestly think she was going to fall for that one?

"Please!" she said hotly, shaking her head at him...until she was grabbed roughly from behind.

"Where do you think you're going?" asked an out of breath Dallas as he spun her around and looked her in the eye.

A deep scowl came over her face and she tried to wrench her arm free of his tight grip, to no avail of course.

"Away." was her simple answer before she tried again to loosen his grasp.

"Listen, Dawn Allison," he said, taking a deep breath, "just come back with me and we can sort this out."

"Ain't nothin' to sort out." she snapped back, glaring at him.

"Yes, there is!" he snapped back, glaring right back at her.

"God, you guys' tempers clashe." a new voice cut in. Dawn turned to scowl at Soda who was just now reaching them.

"Shut your face!" she snapped at the adult kid before turning to her father.

"I'm. Not. Going. Back." she said slowly. "At least not with you!"


	3. Beg

**I'm finally ending this. It might be shit so let me know. I can always rewrite it. But I hope it at least satisfies some people. And I can finally put it down as complete.**

There was a tense, pregnant silence between them. Dawn didn't expect anything less. In fact, she expected even more than that from her father. He had a short fuse, always had. The smallest things could usually make him angry. Uncle Johnny used to tell her it was just his personality but after awhile she just stopped excepting that answer. Dallas didn't just have a short fuse. She had decided that a long time ago. Her father just didn't have a soul.

"I'm not messing around, Dawn."

She had her back turned to him now. She didn't want to see his face. She had seen that face before. He always used it on his mother the morning after. It was the face her mother could never resist, the face that made her mother stay through all the shit Dallas put her through.

"I'll make it better. I promise. Things will change."

She shoulder sagged a little.

She really wished she could believe him, wished she would turn around and throw her arms around him like a normal daughter would with her father. But she wasn't a normal girl. He wasn't a normal father. He was a hoodlum and a criminal, a hardened one. He was a man that had gotten caught up in the wrong situation. He was man that thought an accident pregnancy would never happen to him.

"Stop lying," she whispered lowly. She crossed her arms in front of her chest before sending a sharp glance towards who she knew to be Tim Shepard's son.

When her father went to open his mouth again, she stopped him.

"Stop lying!" She screamed this time. "It's not gonna be better. You and I both know it never will be. You were never cut out to be a dad. I'm smarter than you think, ya know? You never wanted me. You never wanted mom. You should have left while you had the chance. Instead you stuck around and ruined both our lives!" She wanted her words to hurt. She wanted them to pierce her father's heart like a bullet.

She didn't turn when she heard another pair of footsteps. She knew it was one of the gang, one of her father's so called best friends. She had grown up with all of them being around. The only difference was that all of them made great fathers. Over the years, she had to admit, they had tried hard to make it up to her. They had all tried to take Dallas' place for her. But none of them had been good enough. Not even Uncle Johnny.

Before she could continue, even more footsteps could be heard making their way towards them. Tim Shepard's boy was now leaning back against his car, watching Dawn and Dallas like they were a movie picture. She turned then, to see who else had made it to their cozy little group.

There was Johnny, of course, she guessed he had been the first one to show up. And then were was Pony, who was standing right next to Johnny with a worried look on his face, like he knew what was coming.

Steve was standing a little off to the side, like he usually did. He liked to be present but never really like being a part of the ugly stuff like family fights. Darry and Two Bit were making their way up the road, not rushing. They probably didn't want any part in what was happening either.

"I know you don't mean that." She heard her father say finally.

She shook her head as she turned back to him. "Yeah, I mean it. You have no idea how much I mean it." She paused for a few seconds to decide on her words. "You know, Uncle Johnny used to tell me stories about your dad, about the way he treated you. Every time I'd be trying to fall asleep on Johnny's sofa he would turn to me before he shut the lights out and say 'Don't worry, Dawn, he'll come around. He knows what shitty parents are like. He'll get his act together soon'. You know how long he's been sayin' that? Since I was twelve!"

"Dally-" Johnny started to say and Dawn could see him making his way towards them out of the corner of her eye.

"Stay out of this!" She found herself saying at the exact same time as her father. It shocked her a little at first, but she recovered.

"I want you out of my life for good!" She said sharply. "I'm sick of everyone else trying to make up for your mistakes. As far as I'm concerned, I don't have a father!"

She was panting. Every breath felt like a knife in her heart. She couldn't believe she was saying all this but at the same time it just felt right. It felt like everything she had been holding in for the past five years was finally coming out. The more she spoke, the more she felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

"Mom's sister, Danielle, who lives in Idaho, I'll stay with her," she said sternly. She let her eyes drift from one person to the next, never skipping a beat.

Until they finally landed on her father.

Her father who looked like he was crying. It looked like he was literally in tears. If she looked at him in a certain angle, it looked like his cheeks were glistening with moisture, with tears.

It wasn't until she saw his shoulders shake that she really knew he was crying.

"I know I ain't done right by ya, Dawny, but I really do want to fix it," his voice cracked.

Dawn had never seen her father like this. It made it almost impossible to keep her resolve.

"Ya mean more to me than anything. Even more than your mother. Johnny's right. I had shit parents and I promised myself when you were born that I wouldn't treat ya bad, that I would protect you from the whole world because you were my little girl. And I failed you. But I can't lose ya, Dawny. I can't let you slip through my fingers. You're my little girl! I need you here with me!" Dallas seemed to almost let out a sob but not sound came from his mouth. His shoulders shook more violently and the whole group watched as he sunk to his knees.

"Give me another chance! Let me protect you! Let me be the dad I want to. I swear I'll do better. Please, Dawny. I love you so much. I know I don't always show it. But I'm so proud of you. I can't believe I had any part in makin' ya. You're so smart and so beautiful. You're a miracle, baby. Please. Just give me another chance."

His hands were clasped in front of him, now, like he was begging.

Now neither father nor daughter could keep back the stream of tears as Dawn let out an audible sob.

She had never seen her father like this, had never heard him say these things to anyone. He was begging her for another chance. He was begging her to let him be the father she needed and had always wanted. He was begging.

And it broke her heart.

"I love you, daddy." She sobbed finally.

She ran at him, arms extended, and crouched to push herself into his arms.

This time will be different, she thought. It has to be.


End file.
